confused

I started dating my boyfriend back in February of this year. He went away to the military from June until November. I briefly saw him in October and I guess out of the excitement of everything, we got pregnant. It was a total surprise. I felt like we didn't really know each other or had to get to know each other again. We talked about it and talked about it. but i think in the end i realized that I should not have this baby. I wanted a baby, really bad. I didn't care about the fact that I got into grad school, or that I was already in a good position at my job. i just realized that this baby deserved love. all of it. and i realized that my boyfriend did not love me. it wasn't because he wasn't there for me, because he was. when I was at the abortion center he had tears in his eyes while I was bawling and he said we can do this, never once did he tell me he loved me. not once. all he said was "i know plenty of people that grew up w/separated parents" and i couldn't bear that for my child. I couldn't bear the fact that my bf was probably going away to Iraq for a year. I told myself that if I ever had a baby, I want to be in love with that person and for them to love me back. me and my bf don't even live together. after the abortion, i felt remorse. I looked online at what a 6 week fetus looks like and I just cried. I've cried EVERY DAY for the past 2 weeks. I feel like my relationship w/my bf has gotten worse. not b/c he's an asshole or treats me bad, i just don't feel it. i don't think he understood what i was going through. but he was going through his own pain and emotions too. he wanted this baby too. now i'm full of sadness. i want to be a mother, but with the right person. there is never a guarantee that a relationshp works out whether you're married or not, but i still want to have a loving relationship, with someone who know me and understands me. I wish I had the baby that way. I could give it so much love that way too. i'm sorry i'm just so sad, and i haven't told anyone about my feelings.